joy
Arrogant Bastard
BASTARD OVERLORD
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« Reply #30 on: October 13, 2009, 10:57:34 PM » |
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I'm simply not going to edit my speech (writing) in order to please others. Damnit, I had to conform and try to fit in my whole life and I'm not F*CKING doing it anymore.
This is pretty much how I feel. My entire childhood was about pleasing APs, I worked hard at it and failed. I am not doing it anymore. |
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"Domestic adoption is too scary for me" Katmaku
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Peach
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« Reply #31 on: October 13, 2009, 11:23:44 PM » |
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I sometimes feel like the anger I went through in grieving my own situation has subsided some, and am glad it has, because it is so emotionally draining. BUT, it is when I am bombarded with what seems like downright, full-knowing, adoption "professionals" who fight so hard against adoptee access, AND fight to get more and more laws passed which make it easier for them to procure babies ~ that is when anger/passion comes flying back up.
OK is having monthly Adoption Review Task Force meetings at the state capitol, fueled by the adoption industry. This week they will have a panel of adoptive parents speak on a law they are advocating called "Cooper's Law". It would allow a "birthmother" to sign irrevocable relinquishment papers while still in the hospital after giving birth, and irradicate the necessity for her to appear before a Judge to make such an important decision. I don't know how many states already allow this, but it seems so unethical.
"Cooper" is the adopted child's name, who his adoptive parents almost lost because of a failed adoption, due to his "birthmother" changing her mind after his birth. The "counseling" she received from the adoption agency convinced her to go through with the adoption, but these adoptive parents feel like if a birthmother could sign without going before a Judge, fewer adoptions would "fall through". They said going before a Judge terrified this birthmother and they shouldn't have to do it. So this law would actually take an important ethical step out of the adoption process and allow for more unethical adoption practices. This angers me to no end. Because laws like this are being passed every day, and the "professionals" who advocate for them silence adoptees with their "angry, bitter, radical" explanations, when we try to express sincere concern over these unethical practices.
It seems evil to me. And so frustrating. Like people can't "get" common sense LOSS in adoption, because it "builds families" and makes so many paying customers happy.
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Theresa
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« Reply #32 on: October 23, 2009, 11:37:29 AM » |
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Beth
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« Reply #33 on: October 23, 2009, 12:27:55 PM » |
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Whoa!  Well, I'd say she picked two great people to quote, at least. Is she actually a member here or was this just a drive-by quote-napping? |
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“Frankly, I adore your catchy slogan 'Adoption, not abortion,' although no one has been able to figure out, even with expert counseling, how to use adoption as a method of birth control, or at what time of the month it is most effective” .... Barbara Ehrenreich
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joy
Arrogant Bastard
BASTARD OVERLORD
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Posts: 6627
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« Reply #34 on: October 23, 2009, 01:13:49 PM » |
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She better not be a member here, we don't allow cross posting without permission and that was a crappy article.
If she wants to quote me on that btw, she has my permission.
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"Domestic adoption is too scary for me" Katmaku
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PhilM
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« Reply #35 on: October 23, 2009, 01:38:13 PM » |
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Yeah, I was annoyed by the cross-posting, but the only thing she quoted from me was actually a quote from a comment I left on the original blog post that started this whole thread. So technically, my posting it here was already a cross-posting...
At the end of her article, as she's listing members of the triad, notice the order: "adoptive mothers, birth [sic] mothers and adopted children."
We're always last. Always. Until that changes, why would anyone expect us not to be angry?
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"and now we're grown up orphans that never knew their names; we don't belong to no one, that's a shame" - Goo Goo Dolls
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joy
Arrogant Bastard
BASTARD OVERLORD
Uber Bastard
Offline
Posts: 6627
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« Reply #36 on: October 23, 2009, 01:47:24 PM » |
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Oh I know. I was reading some of the open adoption roundtable recently and it was about learning about adoption from other people, it was all full of birthmommies thanking adopted mommies and vice versa. It is so disgusting to me. It is just them petting each other's egos, there is no concern for the children.
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"Domestic adoption is too scary for me" Katmaku
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Philomela
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« Reply #37 on: October 23, 2009, 01:57:42 PM » |
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this is why I signed up for the open adoption round table, so at least one person is talking about it from an adoptee perspective
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Sunny
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« Reply #38 on: October 23, 2009, 02:30:10 PM » |
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Yeah, I was annoyed by the cross-posting, but the only thing she quoted from me was actually a quote from a comment I left on the original blog post that started this whole thread. So technically, my posting it here was already a cross-posting...
At the end of her article, as she's listing members of the triad, notice the order: "adoptive mothers, birth [sic] mothers and adopted children."
We're always last. Always. Until that changes, why would anyone expect us not to be angry?
Always last and always "children".  |
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I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own — a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty.
--Albert Einstein
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Valentina
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« Reply #39 on: October 23, 2009, 06:48:35 PM » |
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At the end of her article, as she's listing members of the triad, notice the order: "adoptive mothers, birth [sic] mothers and adopted children."
We're always last. Always. Until that changes, why would anyone expect us not to be angry?
Always last and always "children". Just read the article and was about to come say this... but Sunny beat me to it. |
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veghipmama
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« Reply #40 on: October 24, 2009, 12:31:23 AM » |
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At the end of her article, as she's listing members of the triad, notice the order: "adoptive mothers, birth [sic] mothers and adopted children."
We're always last. Always. Until that changes, why would anyone expect us not to be angry?
I don't know about you, but I'm not on that list anywhere. I haven't been an adopted child for 3 decades now. |
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"Don't adopt. Have your own: it's better." - said by a-mom when I was 13. Closest thing to an actual conversation we ever had....or ever will, now.
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veghipmama
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« Reply #41 on: October 24, 2009, 12:34:29 AM » |
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This is possible only because it's a general audience thread, right? |
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"Don't adopt. Have your own: it's better." - said by a-mom when I was 13. Closest thing to an actual conversation we ever had....or ever will, now.
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PhilM
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« Reply #42 on: October 24, 2009, 01:07:24 AM » |
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At the end of her article, as she's listing members of the triad, notice the order: "adoptive mothers, birth [sic] mothers and adopted children."
We're always last. Always. Until that changes, why would anyone expect us not to be angry?
I don't know about you, but I'm not on that list anywhere. I haven't been an adopted child for 3 decades now. Of course... You, Sunny, and Valentina are right... I'm just so annoyed at being at the end of any consideration of adoption, that I don't always notice that I've often been relegated to the status of "forever child" to go with my "forever family"... |
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"and now we're grown up orphans that never knew their names; we don't belong to no one, that's a shame" - Goo Goo Dolls
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Theresa
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« Reply #43 on: October 24, 2009, 09:30:39 AM » |
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And of course, under 'Voices of the Adopted' is an image of a baby
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pet901
Guest
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« Reply #44 on: October 24, 2009, 11:16:11 AM » |
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All these different adoption groups? Cross-posting? How do you guys keep up? Everyone seems to be able to navigate and jump all over the internet to different sites and blogs and yikes...i can't even remember what I posted on this board let alone try and work other boards. I feel so inept.
I've read this entire thread, most of it. What I wonder, is this....why are aps and paps even on message boards about adoption. Well, maybe I can see why paps are, but aps? What I mean is, we are all on this board because we belong to a collective of individuals who've had their basic human rights violated, and we share identity concerns and emotional problems in all sorts of different forms and to varying degrees. We all recognize adoption as a problem. So, we've come together and that's why this board exists for us. But if adoption is so perfect and wonderful and nothing is wrong with adopting, why are parents of adopted kids hanging out on message boards about adoption? Are they voyeurs? I don't get it? If adoption is not controversial, why are there so many many many boards and supports? If adopting a child creates a nice new normal family undifferent from a blood family, than why is there a need to go on these boards and defend shit? I am confused.
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